It’s nice to be blogging again…

I’m going to keep it short this post only because I’ve so much to share as I have been going through a spiritual renaissance and will be taking this blog, my writing, and work in a completely new direction. I am so excited about it and will be sharing much about it in upcoming posts. I hope you will begin your own spiritual renaissance and journey together with me. I promise to return with the full story…

I wish you more love than you ever imagined possible and true, lasting peace during these uncertain times…

Love and joy in Christ!

Recently I wrote an article for WomenCo about the benefits of forgiveness. And…got some interesting responses and reactions to it. As I reflected on the varied views and beliefs on the subject, I noticed a common thread running through the comments and will write a follow up article that addresses them.

It seems forgiveness ranks high as a relational issue in the minds of a lot of women. In fact, it’s bigger than I imagined. An issue this big deserves more time and research. What is forgiveness and how does it function in our life (for better or for worse) and relationships. So, that’s what I’m planning now–a follow up article that will invite WomenCo readers to reflect more on what forgiveness is and more importantly to use this info to enhance their quality of life. To forgive or not is the question that will ultimately shape how you relate.

So, what about you? What do you think forgiveness is really all about?

I’ll have my article for WomenCo on the issue ready by the end of the week…and it’s won’t be what you think! We’re going deeper into this popular and life-changing issue!

Oh, about the lull in my posting…I’ve been busy researching info for the new e-products I’m planning to launch soon. Will keep you posted.

Be encouraged, ask questions, and get the info you need to make the important changes you desire and deserve!

I’ve been thinking about perseverance a lot lately. As I’ve reflected about the ability to persevere I’m more cognizant of the power of this attribute. And, more personally, I’m more profoundly aware of how the ability to persevere has helped me my whole life long.

For example, as an elementary-age child I loved to run and wanted to try my luck at competing a little. So, I participated in competitive activities and events at school and persevered year after year. At graduation, my peers named me “fastest girl.”

Then, during high school I wanted to make the pompon squad which meant being able to dance well plus perform cartwheels, splits and flips! Yes, cheerleaders did all of this and more! So, I persevered and made the team to my utter surprise and delight.

Once, in college, during my second year in fact, I’d decided that I had matured enough to handle living in an apt on campus. Aside from approval from parents and the RD (resident director), I had to complete an exit inspection of the dorm room facilities I’d used over the past year. My inspection reported damage to a wall and included a bill for thirty something dollars. Well I hadn’t caused the damage and had to prove that it was there when I moved in. I persevered with gathering the evidence needed to contest the charges and the bill was rescinded.

I bet you could come up with your own list of memorable experiences of how perseverance has helped you to deal with and successfully overcome obstacles in your life. Perseverance pulls you forward when you’re most likely to throw in the towel…it says to you, “Just a little more and you’re there!”

Are you facing a relationship challenge at home with your partner, your kids, or your own parents or in-laws? How could perseverance help pull you through to another level of coping? Oftentimes there are numerous reasons to stop, quit, give up, give in, surrender, or stay down…the challenge for you and all of us is to continue to find reasons to persevere. Marriage difficulties? Rising up through difficulties is possible with the right support and perseverance.

Be encouraged, ask questions, and persevere in getting what you need to thrive in our marriage or other important relationship!

What an enjoyable time I had with love-based parenting expert Heather Forbes in the Secrets that Unlock the Heart of Every Child teleseminar/interview!

I really enjoy the teleseminar experience for a number of reasons–all of which you might also appreciate:

• telephone-based convenience
• interaction with like-minded people
• affordability
• sizable selection of topics and price points
• opportunity for personal growth
• ad infinitum…

If you couldn’t attend, here are just a few nuggets that Heather shared:

1. Be aware of how your behavior influences upon your interaction with your child–this is especially important during times of stress! Stop and ask yourself if what you’re doing and how you’re doing it helps your child to comply or cooperate. Even better, watch your child’s reaction to you!
2. Never forget that your child is just as prone to stress as you are, albeit different in scope and character. Your child’s stress comes from the daily demands and routines of life…getting along well with important friends, performing up to their ability and your expectations, getting along with you and siblings at home, homework, sports and extracurricular activities, etc.
3. Stay committed to your own emotional growth…you are your child’s most significant role model and how you behave in relationship becomes part of your child’s blueprint.

Much of this you know–all that’s needed is a commitment to stay at it! I’m here to help you stay at!

Be encouraged!

Family life challenges aren’t always difficult or undesirable. They can also be opportunities of great fun! Last year while watching some program on television a blast from the past caught my attention during a commercial interruption…the Dean Martin Celebrity Roast. Remember those? Funny, funny, funny…my favorite comedian happens to be Jerry Lewis.

I can sit and watch the old Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movies and be perfectly content! My all-time favorite movie is Hook, Line, and Sinker, and the humor of the Celebrity Roasts clips are really funny. While watching a commercial sales piece about the videos I got the idea to start my own Family Roast!

And, now for the second year my husband, kids and I gather to toast and roast each other…talk about a fun, fun, family time of wholesome teasing, belly-aching laughter, and all out praise and honoring of each family member. We tease each other about the behaviors and habits that we tolerate and endure from one another.

Like, for example, my daughter’s disorganized room, my husband’s quick cleanup of a meal, my son’s endless negotiations in an attempt to avoid chores, my nonstop talking when things aren’t done, and my baby girl’s dumping the clean laundry out throughout the house…and so many other habits intimately known to us…

Finally, someone is awarded the Celebrity Roast award of the year for some behavior we all consider most annoying and in need of change! Again, this is done in love, and the person roasted is in stitches as the family accurately describes the habits that truthfully characterize him or her.

We then toast one another sharing those traits, attitudes, and behaviors that we greatly appreciate which make our life as a family special, memorable, and enjoyable. Our Family Celebrity Roast has become a tradition and fun way of encouraging each other to work at being our best as persons in the coming New Year. In the end, this activity shows us just how well we are known and loved…warts and all!

Try starting your own Family Celebrity Roast as I did with my family or some other activity that creates wonderful, memory-making interaction that reminds everyone how special they are!

If you want to know more about how I put this together for my family let me know in your comment and I’ll send you some strategies for pulling it off. It can be done at any time of the year!

With the Christmas day just around the corner, I thought you might like to attend a very special interview I’m doing with Love-Based Parenting expert Heather Forbes. If you’re have two or more kids you already know that what you do and say to one child may not necessarily work with another child if at all.

Typical tools in any working mothers arsenal include a mix of traditional discipline approaches  such as logical or natural consequences, logic, and any variety of control tactics…

Well, as you know sometimes none of these are effective in engaging your child’s cooperation and compliance. My special guest Heather Forbes has a track record for empowering parents to successfully win the compliance and cooperation of their more “challenging” child.

If you looking for proven and fresh strategies to retool your parenting toolkit then I invite you to join me at this FREE strategic Teleseminar.

Register here for a copy of the MP3 in case you can’t attend!

And, have a truly memorable and joyfilled Christmas holiday. If you not one to celebrate Christmas, I wish you peace, and much joy with your family and friends!

As you’re planning your gift-giving this Christmas for your child particularly, remember the most important gift is you. As working moms giving ourselves to our family matters most, yet can be the toughest thing to do with all the competing demands for our time and attention.

Earlier today I caught part of a very practical interview with bonding expert Heather Forbes, author of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, and co-founder of the Beyond Consequences Institute–and working mom has much to teach us about cultivating loving, healthy bonds with our kids–especially during those times when you want to give up and believe that no matter what you do you can’t get your child’s cooperation and respect.

If you’re there, then I have found a research-based solution for you in the Beyond Consequences Institute. I encourage you to visit Healther’s site and start with her beautiful testimonial which describes her journey into this work of helping parents struggling to bond and love children whose behavior is difficult and even severe because of a history of pain and brokenness.

Hearing Heather’s interview on Heart, Mind, and Strength radio show this morning made me rethink discipline–and how important my own behavior as a parent is as part of the process of disciplining and guiding my kids. I think you’ll agree once you read Heather’s story and learn of her work. If you know wonderful parents struggling with difficult behavior in their child consider making a Heather’s book a gift. You will have given them the power to restore and renew their bond with their child. What better gift is there in the eyes of a child?

I have asked Heather about the possibility of interviewing her. I don’t know what her availability is, but rest assured I’ll let you know.

Let’s not just give gifts–let’s be gifts this holiday year….

What are some ways you can make yourself a gift to members of your family? How can you be present with them?

Most married couples fall into two categories—satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage. The remaining minority of unhappy couples eventually becomes satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage or they end the marriage.

The early years of my marriage are vividly etched in my mind…the joy…conflicts…and determination to create a successful marriage relationship. We learned that there are seasons of immense joy as well as challenges to overcome in marriage. We believed in each other and in what our marriage could become. We were like 95% of married couples who encounter periods of unhappiness and with commitment and effort move back into a satisfied or very satisfied state in marriage.

In the absence of domestic violence and serious abuse, what is it that holds us back from coming to terms with low satisfaction in our relationships? Are we caught in the ebb and flow of routines that simply carry us from one day to the next? Or are we just too busy and tired to care? Perhaps happiness has been replaced by a more functional relationship.

David Popenoe’s Top Ten Myths of Marriage states that happiness in general has not increased in marriages, but has likely declined somewhat. The life span of a marriage hasn’t really changed much at all over the past fifty years. What has changed according to some studies is the amount of work-related stress, conflict, and the decreased interaction between married partners today compared to those of 20 to 30 years ago.

Typical work-related stressors that can impact marriage happiness include:

• The amount of time dedicated to work at the office or brought home
• The location of a job; the amount of travel involved in fulfilling one’s duties
• Control over the work schedule
• Degree of commitment to a job versus the marriage
• Attitudes about roles at home and division of labor

Clearly attitudes, beliefs, and communication play a significant role in resolving conflicts and other challenges that work-related stressors trigger. Sadly, it’s the lack of awareness of shifting attitudes and beliefs that can creep into a relationship and alter the mindset of the couple.

The good news is that a change in your degree of happiness offers a signal that something has shifted and needs your attention. It may be minor and temporary, or serious, demanding immediate attention, and a long-term plan of action. Whatever it is—until you deal with it you can’t move on to satisfied or very satisfied—which is where every couple wants to be. Happiness has its price. What’s it worth to you?

It’s that time of year where most people begin a process of personal reflection in anticipation of completing a goal before the end of the year. And, because it’s the pre-holiday season our thoughts turn toward our varied relationships too don’t they?

I’m thinking of my kids and other family members I want to visit with over the holidays, and about a few changes I want to make in how we celebrate. For example, I’ve been thinking about how we could share our Thanksgiving Holiday celebration with a family that might not otherwise have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. I’m also brainstorming ways to help my children focus on the value of gratitude and new ways we can express it as a family and with others.

Whatever the change, it all begins with readiness, awareness, and openness toward possibilities…be it a greater attempt to see adversity as opportunity for personal growth…casting aside fears…embracing hope, or whatever….managing ourselves through personal reflection and assessment reflects our level of emotional intelligence, and to develop our depth of emotional intelligence we must be open to change.

And change requires readiness! According to Dr. James Prochaska’s research (sited in Dr. Daniel Gorman’s book, Working with Emotional Intelligence) on over thirty thousand people there are four stages of readiness we move through in the process of successfully changing our behavior:

• Oblivious - you’re not ready to change at all and deny any need to change at all!
• Contemplation - you are aware of the need to improve and are considering how to achieve it. You aren’t completely committed to taking action although you may have a moment of feeling ready and take the plunge to change, but fail to successfully pull it off because of your lack of complete dedication to change. You might even do a lot of thinking about ways of changing without ever really changing!
• Preparation -  You are solution-oriented and in need of a plan of action. Your readiness may have been influenced by a personal crisis or a job-related disappointment–whatever the contributing factor you are actively seeking steps to make it happen.
• Action - You have a plan and are working the plan…visible changes are evident in your life as your shift in perspective, attitudes begin to reshape your habits and thinking, etc!

Well, there you have it–use these clues to assess where you are with respect to a specific change you want to make. Your assessment will be more honest!

Mornings have gradually become more cooler and breezier here in Southwest Florida–a long awaited seasonal transition! I’ve been taking morning power walks for the exercise and pleasure of being out early. Since my toddler loves the outdoors too we enjoy this simple gift together.

We usually walk (she walks and rides alternately in her little car) for 45 minutes. This morning I offered to take her farther along the path we trod to the park. She spent most of her time on her favorite activity–the swing.

If you’ve ever tried taking a toddler out of the swing against her will you know what I endured trying to leave the park!

Yep, screaming, clinging to the swing—an all out protest. After working through it my beloved daughter decided she was too tired to ride back home (some 45 minutes away!). Needless to say, I chose to carry her, while pushing the car for what felt like an eternity as my arms—the strongest part of my body, a direct result of carrying my daughter in body carriers from infancy and often as a toddler–finally began their own protest against the dead weight of the sleeping child.

I had only planned to carry her for five minutes and then put her back into her car, but she fell asleep. We were up at 7:45 a.m. so as you might imagine, by 11:50 a.m. she was clearly ready for a nap.

I realized I had a problem!

She weighs 37 pounds and I need both arms to balance myself while walking briskly. As I considered my options I opted finally to just take my time while enjoying the journey one step at a time. And, to my surprise, I was home before I knew it. As we reached our subdivision she awoke and went back into her car without hesitation.

Here’s the wonderful lesson in the experience:

More often than not we can manage and overcome the challenges that we encounter if we take them on one step at a time.

Had I focused on the fact that I had to carry a sleeping child while pushing her car for 45 minutes it’s likely that I would have concluded that it was not possible…that it was more than I could manage. I think we do this when we encounter challenges to what we want or need in our relationships. What if we considered our possibilities instead? Whatever the challenges you face in your relationships at home I encourage you to make a real effort at identifying one step or one thing you could do today to turn your challenge around.

Often we try to solve our challenges immediately. Lasting breakthroughs, however, come through focused, repetitive actions guided by a clear purpose. Got a relationship challenge at home? Try focusing on one thing you can do and be consistent and authentic in your effort and intention. Have a clear purpose to guide your actions so that you are acting out of personal integrity. Try recording your efforts in a journal. Use it to express your thoughts, feelings, and intentions about what you’re doing.