I’m back from an ugly upper respiratory virus that visited my daughter then me….

I ended up canceling the Inside Look at Relational Prosperity in Marriage teleseminar because my voice was so badly affected that I couldn’t speak. What I did though for those who signed up was to offer some of the content from the event in the form of a 5-day mini e-course called Prosperity in Marriage. If anyone would like a copy of it email me your request.

In handling yourself well in your relationships what would you say is your highest behavioral priority? I think that’s a good question. For me I believe thinking before acting is crucial. So, I work at not reacting to what I hear, see, or feel.

Sometimes, others are so prone to diving in with a response or action that they become impatient, suspicious, or even annoyed by the perceived “lack of response.” I try not to let the behavior of others dictate my behavior. This can be challenging, especially if the other person is very demanding with their body language, attitude, or speech.

Still, what you and I do is up to us. We get to decide our own actions when we are ready. And, that helps tremendously!

Just a quick note. I created a special relational prosperity audio presentation for the Inside Look Teleseminar, which I rescheduled for Wednesday, August 13th. The free audios are available to you now, just click the “podcasts” tab above or here to download you copy. Enjoy!

 For anyone who’s ever said in a moment of sheer frustration, “Is this all there is to it?” this post is for you…and the answer is, absolutely not! If you’re dissatisfied with the way things are in your marriage relationship use that dissatisfaction in ways that can actually benefit you and your marriage.

Here’s what I mean.

1.) If you’re angry about something that has happened, is happening, or that you expect to happen–don’t just be angry…what else can you do other than feel a particular way about it (in this case, angry)?

2.) If you need something from your partner and he shows no interest in fulfilling this need, consider what it would really require of him…what you’re really seeking from him, and whether or not this is a legitimate expectation.

3.) Emotional closeness is a high priority for married women today, and believe me it’s very important to the health of a marriage in many ways. Here’s the rub, and there is a rub…too often we want to be the receiver. We don’t want to take the first step (for many reasons, for sure) and instead wait for what we believe we deserve from our partner. And, there are times indeed when we are deserving of certain actions, but the most powerful and transforming actions come when we take steps independent of what is deserved. We do them purely as an act of love.

So, the next time you’re tempted to say or hear a friend say, “Is this all there is to marriage?” you can know that marriage becomes what we make of it—and because we are truly intended for more in this very special relationship, our marriage relationship, the real question has to be, “What’s keeping me from taking steps that would transform my marriage into more of what it can be?”

The answer may surprise you. Maybe you honestly don’t knowwhat’s standing in your way. If you could take an inside look at prosperity in marriage would you? I’m hosting a teleseminar that will do just that. You can read about it here. Join me there and learn what you can do to experience much more satisfaction in your marriage!

I don’t recall where I heard this, but I absolutely love everything it implies. And, I think its relevant to couples in marriage. Someone once told me or I read it somewhere that the desire to please God pleases God. Can you imagine how that could positively impact how couples relate to each other if that attitude became the norm?

It’s not hard to imagine when it comes to our children. Just recently my eight-year-old son slipped into the kitchen and began “cleaning” a few dishes there in the sink. After a few moments he walked over to the table where I sat working on my laptop.

Smiling down at me he held up a small sauce-pot lid and proudly announced, “Mom, look at how clean I got this!”

I smiled back up at him and gave a nod of approval. Unfazed by my lack of enthusiasm, he disappeared back into the kitchen and continued his effort to “clean up the kitchen.” About a half hour later my husband walked into the kitchen and exclaimed, “What on earth are you doing?!” Our son had completely emptied out a bottle of dish soap and had begun to empty out a second bottle. Soap suds were everywhere. Water had been trickling off the counter-top onto to the floor in a slow steady stream…you get the picture.

My son’s desire had been to please us by cleaning up the kitchen…in the process he’d created a sizable mess to clean up. His intention was clear. He wanted to help. I applauded him for his generosity, hugged and kissed him for making a gift of himself in this way, then cleaned up the mess together with him.

How many times do we endeavor to do things for each other to make life easier, sweeter…only to have a response that doesn’t even acknowledge our desire in the effort? For example, you have a situation that has been worrying you a bit, and your partner inquires about what’s on your mind. You sit down and explain. It doesn’t take you long to realize that he doesn’t understand you. In fact, he may even react to what he heard you say. You become frustrated and walk away feeling like it was a waste of time. Not once considering his attempt to make a gift of himself to you through his offer to listen.

He didn’t understand. He reacted. His reaction became more noticeable than his desire to be there with you listening. Do you see how the desire to please can be disregarded? If it had been acknowledged the outcome for both involved could have been much better. In fact, there would have been a connection.

Think about it.

How often do you acknowledge the intentions of your partner?

 Gatekeeping, the catch word describing the behavior that determines or heavily influences the degree to which one spouse allows another to participate in activities such as child care, managing the finances, and even household chores can sometimes work against couples. Typically women are viewed as the gatekeepers in the home.

Interestingly, attitudes and actions of men and women in marriage are the factors that determine whether they are able to work well together as partners in parenting, managing a household, and of course in marriage.

It’s a repeating theme. Our actions and attitudes determine the outcome and results we get with each other. Take this gatekeeping activity, for example. What attitudes are being displayed by a woman toward her partner’s efforts to care for their children, clean their home, and manage their finances? And, what are those of the man toward her efforts? 

What “appears” as lazy may actually be resentment, anger, helplessness, and flat out resignation…all of this, goes right back to attitudes and actions…think about it. What do you think?

How satisfied would you honestly say you are with the quality of your marriage? It’s an important question, really. And it may or may not surprise you to know that too often those in low satisfaction marriages are there in part because they aren’t willing to be personally and “brutally honest” as they need to be in order to get things turned around.

Sometimes it’s “comforting” to say to yourself that your marriage is okay or good enough, despite a deep longing for much more. You know what I’m saying….

What would it mean to make a change? What would it cost? And, would that be worth it?

Change always comes with a cost doesn’t it? With every change something is gained and something left behind.  What would you gain by no longer tolerating a low satisfaction marriage? I think that’s worth some time and reflection. I have a new teleseminar coming later this month that will help you to do just that at zero cost to you. You’ll get an inside look at prosperity in marriage.

More on that to come!

In the meantime tell me what you think low satisfaction in marriage is costing you or someone else you know.

The beach is my favorite place to unwind. It’s sprawling horizon is a breath-taking view that helps me put things into perspective in my life. I always leave renewed in spirit, soul, and body. As a busy wife, mother, and professional personal renewal on a regular basis is just essential. It makes me a better wife, mother, and professional.

This weekend I went to Venice, a lovely, calm little town just 50 minutes away from where I live. And, I decided to spend my mini-retreat in complete silence. That’s right. Only two weeks ago I gave a presentation on the importance of allowing time for silence in our life and how in silence we rediscover our God, ourselves, and our deepest purpose in life.

We get reconnected.

And, I don’t know a more powerful way to reconnect and renew my being than simply being in silence. 

Silence is golden, and it truly works wonders for me. What works for you? And, how big a priority is renewal in your life? If it’s not been a big one I hope you will reconsider its value and take one small step toward regularly renewing your heart, mind, and soul….

Coping with your own dissatisfaction or that of your partner in marriage is stressful enough no doubt. When you add insomnia to the mix then it becomes a serious health risk. Studies on insomnia not only confirm that what goes on in our life during our waking hours affect our ability to sleep, but even more recently that unhappily married and unmarried women have the worst time sleeping through the night in contrast to happily married women. The study noted that the key factor is being “happily married” as opposed to simply being married. The proposed solution is really common sense:

For persistent sleep problems see a sleep specialist–and, while you’re at it, please deal with the marriage issues contributing to the problem.

What keeps an otherwise intelligent, capable, and wise woman from looking at her herself, her spouse, and their marriage honestly? Would you tolerate the stresses associated with unhappiness in marriage? Would you have the courage to step out in a new direction to change things for the better? If you’re in an unhappy marriage what would it take for you to start the process of change?

During the early years of my marriage I experienced quite a bit of dissatifaction to my total surprise. After some complaining I decided to be the one to make a change–and when I say “be the one” I mean I wanted to start dealing with myself and how I behaved in marriage. Not always easy, but so very, very important.

Why? Well, as you know, the only person you can really change is yourself. And, looking back, it proved to be one of many important and wise decisions I made that has contributed to my ability to enjoy a high quality marriage today.

If you’re dissatisfied with the quality of your marriage, what’s keeping you from choosing to “be the one”?

I’m writing a series of articles on high earning women in marriage and I feel compelled to blog about some of my many thoughts on the subject. So excuse my diversion from my original plan regarding health issues ane marriage.

Perhaps the most bothersome aspect of the reality that some high earning women believe that they must “protect” the ego of their man for the sake of peace in their relationship is that this is an option that: 

1. is an exercise in futility
2. means giving up the freedom to fully express your humanity authentically

It’s futile because each of us is responsible for the development or lack thereof of our own sense of self. Despite our love for our husbands, children, friends, and others…we cannot do their personal growth work for them (it’s enough to take care of our own ladies!)

Secondly, is it really loving to ask a partner to give up their freedom to fully express and live out their humanity authentically? It isn’t. The core of genuine love is the ability to care for you as I would myself. And that means granting you the very freedom I desire for myself—the freedom to know and be know for who and what I truly am. To be known, as well as, loved for my authentic self.

Mature love does not demand that I withhold thoughts, feelings, intentions, or actions that may not be the same as yours. Mature love allows me to be my unique self and strives to understand and accept our individual uniqueness as a gift to our relationship.  

Bright, enterprising, caring, successful women need to shed the belief that their man’s ego cannot stand up to her accomplishments and start having open conversations about the strengths and weaknesses of their marriage relationship.

Over time the choice to speak, act, or otherwise behave outside of your authentic self will undermine your ability to create what you want most in a marriage partner—authentic friendship, collaboration, and real intimacy. 

If God can look down on what you’ve achieved with what he gave you (life, talent, time, intelligence, guts, drive and ambition, opportunity, support, etc) and pronounce it “good” can’t you take pride in your accomplishments? What about the man who loves you?

Life’s greatest task is love. And, it takes self mastery to love freely and authentically!

What can you do to start being more authentic in your conversations and interactions in marriage. What will it mean for you to be more real about your thoughts? Feelings? Wants?

 Just one small step gets the process of change into motion! And, you, your partner, and marriage are worth it!

When it comes to premature death and women, we have to consider the relational sphere we operate in. How we navigate within our relationships has a powerful impact on our health. For example, the psychosocial factors associated with heart disease, hypertension, and diabetes include problematic handling of our emotions and or responding to the problematic emotions of others.

Growing up, I didn’t have good role models for handling my anger well or responding to the anger of others. Most of the people I knew tended to avoid, deny, or simply dump their anger. In marriage non of these work well. They create far more problems than they solve—with the worse being a loss of closeness to those we love. 

So how do you respond to anger within yourself? Others? And, how do others respond to you when you’re angry, and you to them when they’re angry? One thing’s for sure—whatever it is that you do will either keep you moving along healthily or create an unhealthy process into motion. Refusing to acknowledge and/or work through your own emotions proves a bad choice for you as your heart, lungs, and blood take on the full impact over time. Inadequate breathing patterns can develop—depriving your lungs of precious oxygen, an overactive heart—resulting from high stress, and unstable moods can threaten your sanity. 

There’s a high price to pay for handling ourselves poorly, and it’s impact can follow us right on into the future troubling us unnecessarily in our later years.

I urge you not to let the way you relate (how you handle yourself or respond to others)cost you your health now or in the future. Take some time to privately reflect on how you respond during difficulty. Your relationships will be better for it as will your health. And know that you are capable of turning it around, and if you haven’t—what are the obstacles? Imagine one small step you could take right now?