Woman to Woman

By Peggy Vaughan

I’ve always been big on sharing with other women for mutual understanding and support; however, I’ve been much more comfortable when I’m the one ‘giving’ support rather than ‘receiving it.’ But I’ve had several experiences during this past month where the support I received from another women completely changed my feelings about being on the receiving end of this equation.

I’ve always known that as women we share many common challenges throughout our lives. But sometimes you encounter another woman who seems to have experienced some version of most of the same challenges you face. This is what happened to me recently.

During this past month I shared about three separate issues I was dealing with – and (amazingly) in all three instances my friend had faced something very similar. By simply sharing what she had done in each situation, I was able to see alternatives I had not considered. And it made all the difference.

While lots of people can provide good objective ‘advice’ or counsel, that’s not quite as helpful as when someone shares their own ‘been there’ struggles with the same or similar issues. Drawing on personal experience adds an extra dimension and depth to the degree of understanding of the issue at hand - and thus to the quality of the support it provides.

And best of all, the other person is not ‘telling you what you ought to do.’ They’re telling you what THEY did in a similar situation. It’s nice not to have to reinvent the wheel – but to learn from someone else’s experience.

Of course, the benefit of such sharing is not just in being better able to respond to the issue at hand; it’s also the enormous relief of feeling so ‘understood’ by another woman. While I’ve always appreciated the importance of the way we women share our deepest concerns and issues with each other, my recent experience has strengthened my appreciation of the importance of using it more often.

I expect that most of you women reading this have had similar experiences. But sometimes we need to be reminded that it’s not necessary (or even desirable) to ‘put on a front’ to other women. With true friends, we can feel free to expose our concerns or struggles – and become even closer by virtue of this kind of openness. There’s enormous strength and support available to all of us through our sharing ‘woman to woman.’

Author, speaker,  and healthy marriage advocate, Peggy Vaughan founded Beyond Affairs (BAN). Learn more about her important work at Dear Peggy.com.