It’s that time of year where most people begin a process of personal reflection in anticipation of completing a goal before the end of the year. And, because it’s the pre-holiday season our thoughts turn toward our varied relationships too don’t they?

I’m thinking of my kids and other family members I want to visit with over the holidays, and about a few changes I want to make in how we celebrate. For example, I’ve been thinking about how we could share our Thanksgiving Holiday celebration with a family that might not otherwise have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. I’m also brainstorming ways to help my children focus on the value of gratitude and new ways we can express it as a family and with others.

Whatever the change, it all begins with readiness, awareness, and openness toward possibilities…be it a greater attempt to see adversity as opportunity for personal growth…casting aside fears…embracing hope, or whatever….managing ourselves through personal reflection and assessment reflects our level of emotional intelligence, and to develop our depth of emotional intelligence we must be open to change.

And change requires readiness! According to Dr. James Prochaska’s research (sited in Dr. Daniel Gorman’s book, Working with Emotional Intelligence) on over thirty thousand people there are four stages of readiness we move through in the process of successfully changing our behavior:

• Oblivious - you’re not ready to change at all and deny any need to change at all!
• Contemplation - you are aware of the need to improve and are considering how to achieve it. You aren’t completely committed to taking action although you may have a moment of feeling ready and take the plunge to change, but fail to successfully pull it off because of your lack of complete dedication to change. You might even do a lot of thinking about ways of changing without ever really changing!
• Preparation -  You are solution-oriented and in need of a plan of action. Your readiness may have been influenced by a personal crisis or a job-related disappointment–whatever the contributing factor you are actively seeking steps to make it happen.
• Action - You have a plan and are working the plan…visible changes are evident in your life as your shift in perspective, attitudes begin to reshape your habits and thinking, etc!

Well, there you have it–use these clues to assess where you are with respect to a specific change you want to make. Your assessment will be more honest!