Recently I wrote an article for WomenCo about the benefits of forgiveness. And…got some interesting responses and reactions to it. As I reflected on the varied views and beliefs on the subject, I noticed a common thread running through the comments and will write a follow up article that addresses them.

It seems forgiveness ranks high as a relational issue in the minds of a lot of women. In fact, it’s bigger than I imagined. An issue this big deserves more time and research. What is forgiveness and how does it function in our life (for better or for worse) and relationships. So, that’s what I’m planning now–a follow up article that will invite WomenCo readers to reflect more on what forgiveness is and more importantly to use this info to enhance their quality of life. To forgive or not is the question that will ultimately shape how you relate.

So, what about you? What do you think forgiveness is really all about?

I’ll have my article for WomenCo on the issue ready by the end of the week…and it’s won’t be what you think! We’re going deeper into this popular and life-changing issue!

Oh, about the lull in my posting…I’ve been busy researching info for the new e-products I’m planning to launch soon. Will keep you posted.

Be encouraged, ask questions, and get the info you need to make the important changes you desire and deserve!

I’m back from an ugly upper respiratory virus that visited my daughter then me….

I ended up canceling the Inside Look at Relational Prosperity in Marriage teleseminar because my voice was so badly affected that I couldn’t speak. What I did though for those who signed up was to offer some of the content from the event in the form of a 5-day mini e-course called Prosperity in Marriage. If anyone would like a copy of it email me your request.

In handling yourself well in your relationships what would you say is your highest behavioral priority? I think that’s a good question. For me I believe thinking before acting is crucial. So, I work at not reacting to what I hear, see, or feel.

Sometimes, others are so prone to diving in with a response or action that they become impatient, suspicious, or even annoyed by the perceived “lack of response.” I try not to let the behavior of others dictate my behavior. This can be challenging, especially if the other person is very demanding with their body language, attitude, or speech.

Still, what you and I do is up to us. We get to decide our own actions when we are ready. And, that helps tremendously!

I’m writing a series of articles on high earning women in marriage and I feel compelled to blog about some of my many thoughts on the subject. So excuse my diversion from my original plan regarding health issues ane marriage.

Perhaps the most bothersome aspect of the reality that some high earning women believe that they must “protect” the ego of their man for the sake of peace in their relationship is that this is an option that: 

1. is an exercise in futility
2. means giving up the freedom to fully express your humanity authentically

It’s futile because each of us is responsible for the development or lack thereof of our own sense of self. Despite our love for our husbands, children, friends, and others…we cannot do their personal growth work for them (it’s enough to take care of our own ladies!)

Secondly, is it really loving to ask a partner to give up their freedom to fully express and live out their humanity authentically? It isn’t. The core of genuine love is the ability to care for you as I would myself. And that means granting you the very freedom I desire for myself—the freedom to know and be know for who and what I truly am. To be known, as well as, loved for my authentic self.

Mature love does not demand that I withhold thoughts, feelings, intentions, or actions that may not be the same as yours. Mature love allows me to be my unique self and strives to understand and accept our individual uniqueness as a gift to our relationship.  

Bright, enterprising, caring, successful women need to shed the belief that their man’s ego cannot stand up to her accomplishments and start having open conversations about the strengths and weaknesses of their marriage relationship.

Over time the choice to speak, act, or otherwise behave outside of your authentic self will undermine your ability to create what you want most in a marriage partner—authentic friendship, collaboration, and real intimacy. 

If God can look down on what you’ve achieved with what he gave you (life, talent, time, intelligence, guts, drive and ambition, opportunity, support, etc) and pronounce it “good” can’t you take pride in your accomplishments? What about the man who loves you?

Life’s greatest task is love. And, it takes self mastery to love freely and authentically!

What can you do to start being more authentic in your conversations and interactions in marriage. What will it mean for you to be more real about your thoughts? Feelings? Wants?

 Just one small step gets the process of change into motion! And, you, your partner, and marriage are worth it!

World-renowned anthropologist Mary Catherine Bateson shared some interesting tidbits in the latest issue of Pink magazine for the executive woman on being proactive that I think are just as applicable in the world of personal relationships. And I think it’s a worthwhile comparison.

Speaking of how executive women need to prove themselves proactive as leaders, she explains educating yourself as a key part of the process:

“…While you’re finding out what works and what doesn’t and listening to what’s on people’s minds, you’re educating yourself and making a major contribution to morale…take your need to learn seriously and find the resources to help you.”

This is exactly what we do to understand what is working in our marriage, what no longer works, and what we think about what’s going on and where we are. Staying tuned in to what happens between us means we need to be proactive–and willing and open–to learning more about our self, our partner, and the relationship.

It’s never easy to open ourselves to the scrutiny of others or to otherwise make ourselves vulnerable.

And yet, this path of humility is the only way to having the genuine relationships we desire. If we aren’t proactive about our marriage we could very easily begin to see some signs of wear and tear on “morale”.

Here’s the main thing I wanted to say about this idea of being proactive in marriage–as professional women we’re often focused and proactive in our work life; what is it that keeps us from being the same way in our most important work, the work of cultivating great relationships at home? If we are willing to use our proclivity toward excellence at work at home we will gain more and more of what we truly want in personal relationships:

1. understanding
2. respect
3. to be known and loved
4. and, a great sense of well-being

I’d say each of these makes the effort more than worthwhile!