Most married couples fall into two categories—satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage. The remaining minority of unhappy couples eventually becomes satisfied or very satisfied with their marriage or they end the marriage.

The early years of my marriage are vividly etched in my mind…the joy…conflicts…and determination to create a successful marriage relationship. We learned that there are seasons of immense joy as well as challenges to overcome in marriage. We believed in each other and in what our marriage could become. We were like 95% of married couples who encounter periods of unhappiness and with commitment and effort move back into a satisfied or very satisfied state in marriage.

In the absence of domestic violence and serious abuse, what is it that holds us back from coming to terms with low satisfaction in our relationships? Are we caught in the ebb and flow of routines that simply carry us from one day to the next? Or are we just too busy and tired to care? Perhaps happiness has been replaced by a more functional relationship.

David Popenoe’s Top Ten Myths of Marriage states that happiness in general has not increased in marriages, but has likely declined somewhat. The life span of a marriage hasn’t really changed much at all over the past fifty years. What has changed according to some studies is the amount of work-related stress, conflict, and the decreased interaction between married partners today compared to those of 20 to 30 years ago.

Typical work-related stressors that can impact marriage happiness include:

• The amount of time dedicated to work at the office or brought home
• The location of a job; the amount of travel involved in fulfilling one’s duties
• Control over the work schedule
• Degree of commitment to a job versus the marriage
• Attitudes about roles at home and division of labor

Clearly attitudes, beliefs, and communication play a significant role in resolving conflicts and other challenges that work-related stressors trigger. Sadly, it’s the lack of awareness of shifting attitudes and beliefs that can creep into a relationship and alter the mindset of the couple.

The good news is that a change in your degree of happiness offers a signal that something has shifted and needs your attention. It may be minor and temporary, or serious, demanding immediate attention, and a long-term plan of action. Whatever it is—until you deal with it you can’t move on to satisfied or very satisfied—which is where every couple wants to be. Happiness has its price. What’s it worth to you?

In this week’s Interpersonally Speaking ezine featured article I talk about the reality of being unhappy in marriage. As I said in the article, this topic of unhappiness in marriage has been calling out to me for several months now.  Perhaps because of a growing observation of how little my favorite professional ezines and other publications address marriage dissatisfaction as an issue of concern for the professional woman.

In fact, I’ve noticed how little if ever the word marriage is even mentioned or spotlighted as an important part of the professional woman’s life. Yet, the word relationship and professional woman are often often intermingled. It’s as if there is something unacceptable about being professional and caring about your marriage…or even loving your married life.

Has it become acceptable to love your work, career, or your relationship, committed and otherwise–while even mentioning marriage as something valuable that contributes to a rich, full, and satisfying life–and is worth enriching has quietly become unacceptable? It seems that when marriage is mentioned it’s lost in lesser significant commentary about an unsuccessful marriage.  Here’s what’s really interesting. When successful women are interviewed well they offer a glimpse into a successful home life that provides the foundation for the success they enjoy professionally.

The real tragedy is that too many professional women are excelling in their career while secretly suffering in their most significant relationship at home–their marriage.

If as professional women we can:

• reign in pride for the sake of listening to opposing views in the interest of finding solutions
• set aside the resources and incorporate the time needed to plan properly
• assess and address areas of weakness
• take risks for clearly defined reasons
• persist
• surround ourselves with people who support, inspire, and challenge us
• be aggressive in the pursuit of that we deem worthy of us

What would become of the unhappiness that plagues too many of us if we took this mindset on for the good of our marriage? Sustainability in marriage could go a long, long way with just a tad bit of the genius that propels us forward successfully in our professions…

What do you think?

Are you presently unhappy in marriage? Do you have a plan for long-term sustainability in your marriage? You can. Be intentional about your happiness and your marriage! Get a plan. You, your partner, and your marriage deserves nothing short of that. My new exclusive Excellence in Marriage coaching group for professional women starts up in early November. I’m running two and each is limited to just six participants. See if this is for you. Here are the details.

I believe in you and your marriage…